Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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