I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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