I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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