clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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