drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
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the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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