So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there's paper in my vomit.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
