peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
