so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
