I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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