Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
