I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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