Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
