You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
