I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
