i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
