guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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