i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
