One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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