I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
