this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
