dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
