my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
