peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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