My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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