Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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