you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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