at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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