evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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