I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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