So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
