R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
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Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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