He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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