Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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