i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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