so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
