There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
