After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
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I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
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