also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
