you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
