got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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