I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
