So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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