And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
