so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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