I'm eating all of the evidence.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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