dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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