it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
