Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
