i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
