people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
