I'm so fucking centered right now
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
