i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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