Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
