i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
