it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
