A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
