Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
