Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
