Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sarcasm needs its own font
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
