So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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