Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
