Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
