oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
