This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
