we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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