the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
