Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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