I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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