Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
two words: eviction party
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
false alarm, still single
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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