I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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