When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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