I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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