Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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