I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
