Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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