I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
