it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
