The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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