If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
