now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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